firsts

For most people, going out to do random things isn’t really something they think twice about. If a person gets the urge to try a new restaurant, they go, no hassle. That’s not how things work for me, unfortunately. Before I moved to Columbus, I reviewed the bus route to the grocery store basically every day for a month, and I STILL wasn’t prepared to actually go without another week’s preparation when the time came. Even in Memphis – a city I lived in for approximately two decades – I hesitated before going somewhere I’d never been before, especially alone. Which is why today is sort of a Big Deal for me.

I woke up this morning and got the urge to go to the Book Loft. I have no idea why; I’ve got more than enough books left to read from my book splurge a few weeks ago. but for some reason, a little voice said, “Go forth! Wander round and gather more books!” To which I replied, “Um. It’s scary out there.” I mentioned this dilemma on Twitter and was told to just go, because the store is amazing. And so, I decided to shower, dress, and go. And I’m so glad I did.

The Book Loft may be my new favorite place outside of my room. It’s cramped – or cozy, if you like – and every little nook is filled with books. No really. Every. Little. Nook. At first, there were too many people in the first few rooms and I started to feel overwhelmed pretty quickly. The deeper I wandered, though, the more thinned the crowd was and the more comfortable I felt. Eventually, I actually started to like the other people being around. It helped that each room had a different type of music playing, and I focused more on listening and browsing than on people getting too close to me. I do so much better with a focal point.

Two and a half hours later, I bought my collection o’ young adult books and made my way next door to Cup O’ Joe. I don’t usually go to coffee shops alone, but I figured, hell, I was out and thirsty. May as well! I got a salty caramel joe freeze, and it was an interesting experience. Usually, I look for the mocha frap equivalent at coffee shops but again, may as well push my limits. And again, I’m glad that I did. Salt and caramel together is something of a shock at first, but I enjoyed it a lot. I sat on my own and flipped through my books, then decided to search for a place to eat.

My phone told me there was a Chipotle nearby, and so I decided to walk. I like walking, I really do. I just don’t like walking when it’s 900 degrees. Luckily, it wasn’t too terribly hot today, and I only sweated minimally (for me, which is basically a drenching for everyone else, damn genes). I got myself a burrito and decided to head home to eat there. I don’t like eating in public because I’ve got the brain crazies. A short wait later and I was home to be cozy with my (disappointing) burrito and my new books. All in all a pretty eventful day!

what i’m into right now

Since it’s been so obscenely long since my last update, my interests have changed a bit. By “interests” I mean “random fixations that I cannot shut up about and thus annoy Kat with endlessly because she does not give a crap.” Moral of the story, don’t befriend people with Asperger’s; they will get on your nerves with useless information.*

Some of the things I was obsessed with last year have carried over into this year, while others have been replaced by newer, shinier fixations. Truth be told, there are really only three things currently drawing my attention – one old and two new-ish.

• Doctor Who – Yep. Still. And possibly even more than before. With the season 6 premiere last night being the first time I’ve actively engaged in any Whovian shenanigans as they occurred (not counting 5 because I didn’t really do much beyond watch and move on), I’m even deeper down this rabbit hole than before. And as a bonus I’ve dragged Kat down with me! Of course, no one really cares when I spend half an hour rambling about various theories and then I get sad that it’s not as interesting to anyone else but…Oh well.



• K-Pop – I think I’ve forgotten what English music that isn’t Britney Spears or Ke$ha (don’t you judge me) sounds like, honestly. And I don’t mind. I’ve been sampling all the goods Korea’s got to offer and I’m basically stuck to two groups – SNSD (Girls’ Generation) and DBSK (TVXQ). Basically, if I’m going to stan for KPop, I’m going hard. Not as hard as some girls, but…you know. I have my favorites – SNSD’s Taeyeon and DBSK’s Changmin – and I’m starting to spend an alarming amount of time trolling YouTube for videos. I’m not, however, joining in any fandom communities or things of the like, because those people are scary and Massiel has warned me well.



• The Sims 3 – I’m getting back into this game after a long time not playing. Before, The Sims 2 was my thing because 3 lacked expansions and custom content. Now that 3 has several expansions and creators are making custom stuff for it, I am ALL OVER IT. I tried to make a legacy family but only made it to the second generation before my game went wonky. So, I started over and am once again on the second generation. Except now, my laptop seems to think doing things is too hard and keeps shutting itself off after just a few minutes’ gameplay. This displeases me. I wish I could afford a new laptop to not worry about this, but alas.

  

Other interests come and go in rather fleeting moments. The other night, I was all about Sugar Ray’s Floored album (you know, the one before they started sucking). A few days before that, it was the pigeons outside my window, and before that, dinosaurs – though to be fair, my passion for dinosaurs has been coming and going for the better part of two decades. Chances are, I’ll ramble about one of these three things more than anyone ever should, so just a heads up. We’ll see how long these last.

*Okay, I don’t really mean that, but it can be a bit overwhelming, I know. So befriend us, just don’t ask us to talk about anything within our realm of interest unless you have about three hours to spare.

the crazies

When I mention to people that I’m not the most stable of persons, I get one of two reactions. The first is more common: they don’t believe me. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve heard, “Really? But you seem so normal!” I could…at least buy a value meal from McDonald’s. When I told one of my former best friends (that sounds so harsh, doesn’t it? but I can’t think of another phrase) that I suspected I have assburgers, she insisted that it was impossible because she’d worked with a child with it and I didn’t act like him. Another friend told me it was impossible because I’m not weird.

And then there are the people who know better. These people, when I say there are (numerous) things wrong with me, generally just look at me, nod, and ask what the plans for the day are. I’m not sure which reaction is more of an insult, really. In any case. I realize that people think I’m normal because they don’t really get to see me at my strangest; the moments when I’m completely unguarded and at the peak of my insanity, I’m usually alone. And pantsless. So, because I enjoy giving some insight into my brain, I’ve decided to compile a list of things that I do that normal people probably don’t. Why? Because I’m not normal.

• I count stirs when making Kool-Aid/tea/lemonade/etc. The first round of stirring requires 50 stirring. If more sugar is needed, I add it, then stir 40 times. If that’s still not enough, I add more sugar and stir 30 times. I’ve never needed to add sugar beyond this point but I’ll assume that I would stir the next round 20 times and so on.
• I tap my fingertips together. I used to tap my middle and ring fingers on my right hand against my palm repeatedly, but apparently I’ve switched to tapping my middle fingertip against my thumb tip. Maybe I think it’s more sophisticated. Or maybe it’s slightly less noticeable.
• If I accidentally touch a texture that I dislike, I’ll wipe it off on my shirt. Because clearly, sensations can be erased thusly. The feeling of carpet, for example, is one that I really, really cannot stand, as well as denim.
• If there’s a character count, yo I’ll solve it I’m monitoring it. Text messages, this post, instant messages…The character/word count has to be an even number. If it isn’t, I’ll add a word or a space to get to an even number.
• I check things far too much. I check locks, I check for my keys, I check my article queue at work as though it will miraculously change, I check my phone charge…
• This one has been sort of conquered – Previously, I couldn’t sleep with a closet door open. Once when I was younger, I had a nightmare about monsters coming out of the closet to carry me off and bury me alive. However, since clearing out the closet, I’ve been sleeping with the door open with relatively low monster-related anxiety. (I wish I hadn’t said that, though, because now I keep giving the closet the side-eye.)

minor update whoo

Alright, it’s mid-July and I am 15 (FIFTEEN!) days away from a really big move. You see, I lived with a guy. Let’s call him Ted. Ted’s not his name, by the way, but it’s a good filler name, don’t you think? Anyway. Not-Ted lived here with me because, after my mom died and insurance money started to dwindle, I realized I needed to get a roommate. Let me repeat that – I decided I needed a roommate. Me. Someone who could possibly win Miss Assburgers USA, if I were prettier and about sixteen tons lighter. I thought it would work out. And for a while, it was.

The thing about me is, I get tired of people being around me all the time. I started retreating to my room a lot more often because, well. Too much people time. And I didn’t think this was a problem; he was hardly here, anyway, so it felt like I lived alone usually. And I was keeping odd hours for a while because I’m a random person, so we only saw each other in passing. I was fine with this. Clearly, he was not.

One fateful evening mid-June, I received a Facebook message from Not-Ted. In this message, he informed me that he would be moving out.

The next day.

I was floored. Really, Not-Ted? A Facebook message? I responded to see if he would at least talk to me in person, but he refused. And so I decided that Not-Ted was, in fact, a complete toolbag and not a very good friend to boot. I despaired for quite some time. I’m still in despair, honestly. But slightly less so. I’ve managed to calm myself enough to book a plane ticket to North Carolina thanks to my uncle. I’ve sold the vast majority of my belongings. I’ve tried to work a bit harder, despite the fact that I have the attention span of a newt.

Right now, I’m concerned with being able to afford to pay August’s rent here (the landlady’s making me, boo!), in addition to getting everything sold, cleaned, and shipped. My helper is, unfortunately, overwhelmingly pregnant right now, and pretty much everyone else I like is out of state. I’m worried. Very very worried. But it all has to get done, and so I’ll do it. I have to believe that it can get done, or else I’ll just go back to crying on my mattress – which was once a bed, but I sold the frame and box spring – and wanting to die. Life can’t always be terrible, right? Eventually things get better?

Yeah, he sent me a Facebook message. I can’t believe it either.

the AQ test

I mentioned taking the AQ test before, and I thought, hey, why not share a link to it? So, if you’re interested in taking the test to see how messed up your own head is, click here and check it out. One hilarious statement it asks you to agree or disagree with? “I would rather go to a library than to a party.” I think we can all guess my answer.

If you’d like, you can also take the big long Aspie Quiz as well.